Annual update

I couldn’t remember my login details for ages for this site.

But, as you guessed. I worked them out.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I am stuck in a rut. Like I’m waiting for things to happen, and any day now they will.

But I don’t know what these ‘things’ are.

Anyone else?

Nothing much new has been happening. As far as routines or anything go everything been pretty chaotic at the moment and maybe that’s the issue.

Routines are so boring. Yet when I don’t have one I find myself wishing for one.

I also think that time is going by so fast and even though I feel like I’ve literally just packed the Christmas tree away it’s now March and a quarter of the year is gone.

I need time to slow down!

I’ve also been thinking recently that I wished I could run. How stupid does that sound?! Of course I have the capability to run, it’s probably more the confidence and drive to do it.

But I really want to!! What’s stopping me?

Anyone just writing the random crap that’s popping in to my head right now as I watch a documentary on Netflix. It’s called the keepers. Very sad and eye opening. You should watch it. If you’ve made it this far in to this drivel shite and see that part that is.

Anyway, maybe tomorrow I’ll go for a run.

Toddler or the exorcist?

My little bundle of joy is 20 months. I know, I know. People who say things like that are wankers. Myself included. But he isn’t quite 2 yet. I can’t quite bring myself to admit that he will be a proper toddler soon. Anyway, he went to bed one Sunday night a sweet, curious, laid back darling of a child. He awake a raging animal. Tearing up the house, breaking the blinds, climbing up and standing on your head…. thrashing the cupboards, throwing food everywhere. Refusing to walk places and sitting down and having full on blown tantrums in the shop because he can’t eat out of the pic n mix. My patience has been tested to the limit. I have learned to negotiate and bargain in ways I never known I could. I skip out the door to work to share a blissful 8 hours of peace with a slight less type of idiot! But we love them. It’s as well we grew them and nurtured them from birth because otherwise you would want to run away and never look back lol Before anyone calls welfare I’m joking. Well half joking… I am. But it often leads to me think about the name the terrible twos? I think it should just be named the exorcist years. At least is honest, out there and let’s poor fools like me know exactly what’s about to happen to my life! Terrible twos sorta eases you in and tricks you a bit. But when he give you a wee hug and a big wet, sloppy, slobbery kiss you can almost look past the spaghetti sliding down the walls.

Positivity

So it seems that almost every one on my Facebook feed has become sort of positivity guru. Are we really that needy as a generation that we need constant reminders of how great we are and that our lives are a book only we can write?! I mean like, sure it’s nice to be have a compliment once in a while but this constant bombardment of shit sayings and poems on a sunset background is depressing. At this rate we will be sending out happy you had a shit today card, well done Sandra on eating carrots balloons. Swear to fuck. If you generally are someone who is glass half full then that’s great. I’m happy for you. I don’t need the constant reminding of how I should seize the day, give up my job, sell the house and fuck off to see the world. Sadly my mas credit card would decline at the first bus stop lmaooooo Some people would love to chase the wind around the world. We work because we have too. We work because no one else will do it for us. So please bear that in mind when you share how you quit your 12 hours a week job because it wasn’t fulfilling you spiritually. I do like a good animal meme though. Those are allowed.

Baby come back

Fuck Me I hate Apple. I was trying to do an update on my iPhone and had to near enough delete everything I had on the phone to create storage. Ended up having to delete my word press and then I just forgot I even had it. But you know what I always feel some what better after I’ve had my little rant on here about whatever has pissed me off. Now I’m no fool, I know no one reads this. Maybe someone on the hunt for new material at 4am but that’s really about it. Let’s face it when you’re up scrolling the World Wide Web at 4am you’d read the bloody phone book for entertainment. But anyway I’m back, I’m ready to moan and I feel good! C”mon.

Eating us out of house and home.

Please please someone else tell me that they ate everything but the kitchen sink during their maternity leave. 
I have quite an active job. I would very rarely sit. However fast forward in to maternity leave and things are a bit more sedentary.  Which is a pleasant change but I get bored. So so bored! Then I eat. So I decided I needed to stop it before I’m being greased up to get out the door. 
Anyway for the past month I’ve been tracking everything I’ve eaten with the my fitness pal. Also being one of those wankers that have an Apple Watch I’m tracking my calories burnt.  I’ve been doing really well, hardly any bad stuff, a lot of veg. 
So I decided to hop on the scales and squeal in delight at my weight loss. 
NOT A FUCKING SINGLE POUND LOST! 

pardon my French 
Ready to rip the hair out and go down and literally devour the fridge, drawers, handles and all. I took a deep breath. Maybe had a wee cry and decided I’ve been doing something wrong somewhere. 

So I’m back to the drawing board now!! Tonight I had broccoli and carrots with rice for dinner.  That’s it! 
If Im not 5 stone lighter at the end of this month I’m giving up 😝

Motherhood vs work

I’m sure everyone at some point during their maternity leave will begin to miss work, and maybe even consider the notion that work isn’t that bad. 
Today was that day for me. 
Sweet Jesus. I have a boisterous wee gem of a baby who I love dearly. But my god, my patience gets tested! 
Imagine crying your head off because you’re tired…. and then crying some more because you don’t want to sleep!! 1 solid hour….for. 20 minute nap. 

The coffee (I used to hate hot drinks, I now live on this beautiful black magic liquid) hadn’t  even reached my stomach!! 
At least in work I would get to finish my coffee lmao yeah right. 
Anyway we are off to the bath, to use copious amount of johnsons bed time lotion. 

Please, let it work. 
 

Tom and jerry.

I’ll keep this short and sweet. 

On Saturday I was having a nice relaxing day. My friend called over and we were watching films with baby. 
In comes the two cats to chill in the hall, they are fucking around more than usual. I look out to see a live mouse. 

Completely shit my pants. 
My hero friend jumps to action. Grabs the cats away and puts them upstairs. I follow them. 

She then chases a mouse around my house for over an hour. All I can hear are sofas been pulled and tables being moved. 

Finally after over an hour she gets the mouse out of the house. 

Down come myself and the two cats who can’t understand where the present they brought me is. 
Now anytime the cat flap goes I’m crapping it incase they have another mouse. 

Side note- so far this year I have had 5 mice and 3 birds brought to me. Why can’t they bring me a bottle of vodka or a box of chocolates. Ffs. 

Swear to fuck this shit doesn’t happen other people lol 

A documentary on me.

It’s late, I can’t sleep and I’m flicking through the tv channels constantly.
Why the fuck is there a documentary on will.i.am?!
I honestly don’t get it.
He does fuck all apart from sing mismatched lyrics in to a mic that adds a zingy, robotic pitch to his voice.
I work 5 days a week without a break for pittance! Where the fuck is my documentary?!
I’m pretty sure, if I could afford a personal trainer, I too would look good in red leather.
It sickens me that we live in a world were people get paid more for a talent they have, by complete and utter luck than those who go out and work their asses off to learn a skill.
The jokes on us.

But you’ve got time.

If orange is the new black, then work is the new prison.
My holidays are almost over. I have cried.
I was having a chat yesterday with my bf, and we came to the conclusion that prison would probably be a better alternative to my job.

I’m not feeling refreshed or any happier about going back.

I’ve got the dread. The, I’m going to cry, pull my hair out and elope dread.

I should just quit. Fuck the bills.

I should..