New year, new rant.

Happy new year to anyone who happens to have the misfortune of reading my blog!

But thank you for doing so.

Kicking off with something I noticed a lot more this year.

Christmas Day, Facebook, first status of the day. “Does anyone know if any shops are open?”

This pisses me right off. I mean like you had all bloody year to get what you needed. In fact some shops were even open until 10pm on Christmas Eve. What the fuck is so important you need it now?!

What pisses me off even more is these same people have a status up on the 18/19th December describing their excitement as being finished work for 2 weeks.

It’s because of complete ignorant, selfish, disorganised creatures that some companies think it’s a good idea to open Christmas Day and then Boxing Day too.

Anyone in retail faces the same challenge every year! Trying to get some family time whilst also doing their fair share of the crap shifts. Why should they have too when these complete assholes had over a week off work before Christmas Day to sort their crap!!


no. This isn’t the job we chose. This isn’t the career we wanted. Yes, fair enough for a select few retail is their calling and they love it.

But the for majority of us poor souls we got lumbered in these jobs during one of the worst recessions our economy faced! Everyone will always need! Expect on Christmas Day you twat!

Don’t even get me started on the sales!!!!


The Saturday sesh. 

I have had the same Saturday routine for as long as I can remember. Work 6-2.30pm run home from work to get showered and changed  my friend would arrive about 3.30 and the weekend sesh began!! Pre drinking the bit out, members of the group causally showing up until about 10pm when we all headed out. Then back to ours to finish off the weekend. 
One baby later, I can’t sesh anymore. I just can’t do it. The last two times I have had any afternoon drinks I’ve ended up feeling really ill and needing to go home!!! Whyyyyy?! 

It’s time to admit defeat! So from here on in I will have moderation Saturdays! They sound like so much fun! 
Disclaimer. I don’t go out every Saturday before I get lynched about having a life whilst also having a baby. If I did, it would have fuck all to do with you anyway lol 
I’m also thinking that being an alco pop drinker isn’t the worst thing in the world ether lol 

Eating us out of house and home. 

Please please someone else tell me that they ate everything but the kitchen sink during their maternity leave. 
I have quite an active job. I would very rarely sit. However fast forward in to maternity leave and things are a bit more sedentary.  Which is a pleasant change but I get bored. So so bored! Then I eat. So I decided I needed to stop it before I’m being greased up to get out the door. 
Anyway for the past month I’ve been tracking everything I’ve eaten with the my fitness pal. Also being one of those wankers that have an Apple Watch I’m tracking my calories burnt.  I’ve been doing really well, hardly any bad stuff, a lot of veg. 
So I decided to hop on the scales and squeal in delight at my weight loss. 

pardon my French 
Ready to rip the hair out and go down and literally devour the fridge, drawers, handles and all. I took a deep breath. Maybe had a wee cry and decided I’ve been doing something wrong somewhere. 

So I’m back to the drawing board now!! Tonight I had broccoli and carrots with rice for dinner.  That’s it! 
If Im not 5 stone lighter at the end of this month I’m giving up 😝

Motherhood vs work 

I’m sure everyone at some point during their maternity leave will begin to miss work, and maybe even consider the notion that work isn’t that bad. 
Today was that day for me. 
Sweet Jesus. I have a boisterous wee gem of a baby who I love dearly. But my god, my patience gets tested! 
Imagine crying your head off because you’re tired…. and then crying some more because you don’t want to sleep!! 1 solid hour….for. 20 minute nap. 

The coffee (I used to hate hot drinks, I now live on this beautiful black magic liquid) hadn’t  even reached my stomach!! 
At least in work I would get to finish my coffee lmao yeah right. 
Anyway we are off to the bath, to use copious amount of johnsons bed time lotion. 

Please, let it work. 

Ah ffs 

So I’m on maternity leave. The plan being to take a full year away from work then onto return use up all my holidays in one big block of time off. Yeah, yeah I can almost hear the eyes rolling. But you see I will only have 3 months to take 8 weeks anyway and it’s to assist in sorting childcare. These things don’t just happen over night. 
Anyway the conversation came up, started by me, that I have 10 days where I can go back to work to catch up on things that I’ve missed… so I thought maybe it would be good to use them from October to December for one day a week. Get baby used to not being with me and get me used to going to work again. 
So my other half being the typical bloke he is replied with, yeah do whatever you want. 
So I went to bed that night and couldn’t sleep with the fear. The fucking fear about  going back to work one day a week!! 

Surely, work can’t be that bad that even one day a week seems too much lol 

Or is this just the mother leaving her children fear?! 

I’m still debating about going back in October lol these decisions can’t be rushed, you know yourself. 

Tom and jerry. 

I’ll keep this short and sweet. 

On Saturday I was having a nice relaxing day. My friend called over and we were watching films with baby. 
In comes the two cats to chill in the hall, they are fucking around more than usual. I look out to see a live mouse. 

Completely shit my pants. 
My hero friend jumps to action. Grabs the cats away and puts them upstairs. I follow them. 

She then chases a mouse around my house for over an hour. All I can hear are sofas been pulled and tables being moved. 

Finally after over an hour she gets the mouse out of the house. 

Down come myself and the two cats who can’t understand where the present they brought me is. 
Now anytime the cat flap goes I’m crapping it incase they have another mouse. 

Side note- so far this year I have had 5 mice and 3 birds brought to me. Why can’t they bring me a bottle of vodka or a box of chocolates. Ffs. 

Swear to fuck this shit doesn’t happen other people lol 

Surely not. 

So I have cats. Sadly our wee adventurous  one went missing whilst we were on holiday. Cross country road trips morning, noon and night. Hundreds of shares on Facebook and many many tears later he arrived home of his own accord. He was dirty, skinny and upset. 

Fast forward to now and he’s back to his usual self except a bit needy. Which is understandable. 

Yes this is going somewhere. Just stick with it lol 
Anyway. I also have a baby. He’s is mental, always on the move and very rarely naps in the day time. So you can imagine. (He can’t walk or crawl yet, so on the move attached to me) 
Anyway I decided a few weeks ago that it would be nice to do a wee exercise workout for mum and baby once a day. So I found an 18 minute one on YouTube. 
So there was me, mat on the floor, gyming gear on. Looking like something from flash dance. In comes the cat meowing and meowing while my baby is breaking his neck to look around at him whilst I’m holding him trying to do squats. 

Swear to god. You never get a minutes peace. 

He just needed petted by the way. So I had to pause work out video. Set baby down, pet cat. Pick baby back up and resume work out. At least 10 times. 

Baby thought this was hilarious. My back did not 

The crap we put up with