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Put your hands in the air like you just don’t care.

So I’m off on holidays. Happy as a pig in shite.
I left yesterday clicking my heels like a leprechaun!
I’m pretty sure I walked on water.
If we are going with colours, yesterday was a firework display of colours.
We shall see if this week off makes work more bearable when I go back, somehow I doubt that.
In other news, I’m in line for another promotion. Yes, I am good at my job. In fact, I’m pretty damn fucking good at it. Despite the fact I moan all the time.
I believe, no matter what it is, if your going to do something, you do it right!! So yes, I was set a challenge, and given one year to complete it. 4 months baby, 4 back breaking, exhausting long assed months.
No bonus. Aha as if I was getting a bonus.
Just a promotion, which isn’t really a promotion. I’m simply being shipped on to another store to do it all over again.
C’est la vie. Meh.

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All aboard the work bus.

So, as much as I work shifts, lately I have been doing a lot of 6am starts.

For those who moan about getting up at 6am. Try having to be in work at that time, and what’s worse, trying being productive.

I have been getting the same bus every morning now for about a month.
I arrive to the bus stop at the same time every morning.
I am passed by the same man running, in the same clothes, every morning. Which prompts the thought? Either he washes those clothes every night, is a ghost, or a bit disgusting.
I hope he’s a ghost.
When I get on the bus, it’s the same people, in the same uniforms in the same seats. They get off at the same stops every morning.
How sad are our lives?!

We all share the same, depressed disheveled look. Dead behind the eyes.
There is no way anyone can get up at 4.30 every morning and look fabulous.
If they say they can, they are lying.

But!! How many people do you pass on the way to work, and recognise, purely because they are apart of your routine?!

To think, OCD is a medically recognised condition, is it any bit of wonder when we do the same shit 5 days a week.
Some day id like to get on that bus and tell everyone, “fuck it” We’re not going in today. Bus driver, reverse your bus! These passengers are going to take a walk on the wild side.

Who am I kidding, the police, FBI and mi5 would be contacted to find me

But still, I can dream.

Do you realise you reek of shit? Get a god damn job!

So, I’m off on a weeks holiday soon.
It feels like I booked this holiday in 2014 Bc.
But, this got me thinking about the situations I could get myself in to that would delay my return to work.
I’ve compiled a list
Get steaming drink, fall down the stairs, break a leg.
Throw myself down the stairs.
Head butt a lamp post and give myself a concussion.
Miss my flight and get delayed.
Agree to a drugs run in peru and then hand myself in to airport security.
(Now I get that situation lol)
Break an arm attempting handstands.
(I shouldn’t joke, this happened me doing a tumble over many years ago)
Pretend I’ve been abducted and hold my work place to ransom.
Kick a bee/wasp hive and suffer the consequences.
Lie on my bathroom floor for a week, to deliberately cause a back problem.
Get drunk and text my boss telling them to eat shit and die. Then respond repeatedly saying, can you check my ass for a penny.
Jump out of a window, mrs Doyle style.
Eat raw chicken, promoting self induced food poisoning.

This will be an endless list, I’ll have to update this repeatedly.

Defeated?!?

I am so tired and exhausted of trying to struggle and resist the ghastly working scheduling I’m being forced to work, that I just can’t be bothered to fight it anymore.
Is this what they want?
I don’t care.
I have no intentions of staying anymore. I hate the place.
I almost kill myself most days to get everything done so the shift coming in after me can have an easier time than I did.
Well, not anymore.
What has two thumbs and doesn’t give a fuck?! This guy.

Where am I now?

On a yacht sailing on a beautiful green ocean. Bar stocked, an ample supply of the sun. And not a glimpse of work in sight.
Then I woke up and had some corn flakes.
I’m not sure if anyone else is as weird as me. But I associate activities, days of the week and feelings with colour. For example Sunday is a grey day an I usually feel white and fuzzy lol
Some of you will get this, the rest will think I have sniffed way too much glue. I don’t sniff glue lol
Every day I go to work is a black day, with bits of red. I always feel grey and cold.
When I’m off work, the evening before said day off is green or blue and I feel blue. My actual day off is yellow or pink. It sucks I only get two yellow or pinks a week lol

Got that Friday feeling?

Have I fuck.
I work weekends.
At least I have a job, I know.
Just in bed settling down for my 5am rise. Every morning I go through the same routine. Alarms goes off. I snooze it, then I snooze it again. I then arise like Count Dracula and call them all bastards. I moan to myself that I am sick of this shit and I am quitting.
I then get on me and go to work.
Anyone else have a fun morning routine?

I also just want to say, I was re reading a few posts and think I might sound like I am going to jump out in front of oncoming traffic. Lol id still get called in to work.

But no, I love my life away from work. I just hate work.

Rescue me.

So today I’ve decided to compile a list of everything I would rather do, than be in work.
Here goes.
Piss tester.
Poo sniffer.
Dog food tester.
Collect used toilet roll for recycling.
Fix blocked toilets by hand.
Lick raw fish.
Catch fish with my mouth.
Do a rectal examination with no gloves, on a person with diahorrea.
Test the endurance of phones by having them thrown at my head.
Use fibre glass as a body sponge.
Chew barbed wire.
Shit a light bulb.
Test the effectiveness of clothes pegs by having them clamped to my nipples.
Have my nails replaced with razor blades, while itching powder is put on my clothes.
The list is endless. I think I’ll update this repeatedly.

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